Shifting from Reactive to Intentional: The 4Rs Framework

← Back to all posts

Last week, one of my favorite astrologers shared a sentiment in my rising sign horoscope that felt like the timeliest of reminders: 'Pace starts to matter more than performance.'

For someone who spent years chasing optimization and pushing through burnout, rebuilt a life that no longer prioritized or glorified those habits, and had just spent a few hectic weeks dealing with a move, this was a much needed call to exhale and lean onto new habits instead of old ones.

In the constant-hustle of our culture, performance gets all the attention. While pace is dismissed as slowing down—as if intentional speed somehow means less achievement. But what my own journey, and working with clients, continues to point out time and time again is that sustainable success depends more on how we move through our work than how much we accomplish.

This week, we're exploring how shifting from reactive to intentional creates a pace that preserves your energy while deepening your impact. It's about designing systems that support your natural rhythms rather than forcing output at any cost.

When pace aligns with your values and purpose, performance actually improves—but more importantly, you get to sustain it. And that's what were all here for...

🌱 TIPS FOR A MORE SUSTAINABLE LIFE + BUSINESS

The Costs of Reactivity + The 4Rs Framework

In my executive assistant days, I once woke up to my phone ringing at 2am with a call from my boss. He needed me to coordinate an emergency helicopter pick up because a typhoon was headed directly for the city he was in. We only had a few hours to get him to an airport before all flights were grounded. This, like many moments in my corporate career, was the definition of reactive.

And it had to be, it was the nature of the job.

There are some situations of life and work that will always be reactive, but it shouldn't be your baseline or default strategy for every response you need to make.

Constant firefighting doesn't just lead to higher stress, studies also show that your brain processes information in a fundamentally different way when in a reactive state. The pre-frontal cortex—where you handle decision-making—actually goes offline, pushing you to rely on your lizard brain (those fight, flight, fawn, or freeze responses) that deplete energy wayyyy faster. [1]

If you think of it like a personal energy bank account, reactivity will land you in the red constantly from over-drafting more than you deposit. This creates a hidden "reactivity tax" across every area of life:

Creativity: Reduced cognitive and innovative thinking after prolonged reactive work
Relationships: Diminished emotional bandwidth for meaningful connections
Purpose: Gradual disconnection from core values as immediate demands consume focus

But I want you to go a layer deeper to identify what these costs actually look like in your life...

When you have decision fatigue—this may look like losing the ability to enjoy a call with your favorite clients, being distracted and missing the little moments with your kids or niblings, and difficulty making choices that support your well-being because your brain just can't decide anything more.
When you are creatively depleted—this may look like giving up creative hobbies and activities for fun, difficulty meeting timelines at work, and increased risk of burnout because you struggle to enjoy the moments of awe in life.
When your relationships are strained—this may look like missing or not remembering shared experiences, increased energy spent dealing with triggers or misunderstandings, and breakdowns of the emotional safety needed for vulnerability in connection.

What would it feel like to take back that energy and make intentional choices even during high-pressure moments? I like to use a simple framework I call the 4Rs to break reactive cycles as they arise to help shift from reactivity to intention:

Recognize > Release > Reassess > Respond

Recognize reactive triggers—physical, emotional, circumstantial. For me, this looks like shallow breathing, a tight jaw, and the frantic urge to respond to everything immediately. For some of my clients, this has shown up as racing thoughts or even digestive issues.
Release the urge to immediately respond and make space for intentional choice. Even a 90-second pause can reset your nervous system. Take a deep breath, step away briefly, or simply say 'I need to think about this' before responding. Unless you are working in a life and death scenario every day, I promise you can pause and the world won't end.
Reassess the true priority against your energy availability. This is where you step back and evaluate what's truly at stake. Ask yourself: "Is this genuinely urgent or just feeling urgent?" Does addressing this thing now yield returns to your energy and time that justify the cost? For many of my clients, this step reveals that the majority of what feels "urgent" can actually wait a few hours or even days without negative consequences. And for your own sanity, match the task's true priority against your current energy reserves, not what you wish you had available.
Respond intentionally based on your values and energy assessment. Now you'll have a little clarity from your reassessment to choose an action aligned with both your priorities and current capacity. This might mean setting a simple boundary like "I'll need to address this tomorrow", delegating, simplifying your approach (minimum viable FTW), or sometimes recognizing that this IS genuinely urgent and worth your full attention. The key difference is that you're making this choice consciously rather than automatically.

This isn't just about professional or personal efficiency—it's about reclaiming and sustainably using your energy (the thing that fuels everything that matters to you.)

Because when you respond intentionally, even saying "yes" to difficult tasks feels different because you're choosing from a place of agency rather than obligation.

I won't sugarcoat it, it can take time to build up these muscles. We aren't looking to stop being reactive overnight because we need this skill—it's a survival tool. We are looking to make sure we aren't leaning on it too much. Sometimes the best way to do this is by reflecting afterwards to start identifying your personal reactive patterns.

ACTION ITEM: Set aside a 5-15 minutes at the end of each day this week for a "reactivity audit." Document when you felt in a reactive mode, how it affected your energy, and how you could follow the 4Rs in a similar future situation. I would challenge you to continue doing this after 1 week on any days that felt reactive to help identify those reactive patterns over time.

✨ TIPS FOR A MORE SOULFUL LIFE

From Firefighter to Architect

There's a reason one of the first exercises I go through with 1:1 clients is reviewing and outlining core values.

Not only does research show that when we act in line with our values and beliefs, we experience greater well-being, lower stress, and a heightened sense of fulfillment [2], but this alignment acts as a “North Star,” to guide our decisions and actions toward what truly matters (rather than being swept along by external pressures or distractions that lead to busy work, reactive habits, and false productivity.)

For myself, and many of my clients who are also neurodivergent ( particularly ADHD), ending up in the firefighter identity of "I handle everything" is as natural as breathing. We tend to need the adrenaline and cortisol from stress to keep focused and moving forward in environments (and tasks) that don't provide the dopamine necessary to stay engaged—especially when trying to manage it undiagnosed.

Right now, most research centers on frontline and helping workers like literal firefighters, nurses, doctors, etc. while knowledge work and neurodivergent burnout are still emerging fields. I share this not to diminish what you've experienced—many of us were burning out before science even knew what was happening to us. For me, I'd hit burnout 3 times by 2014 (when the 12 steps of burnout were researched, more on this next week!) and 5 times by 2020.

You aren't behind... the research still is.

Being less reactive and more intentional asks us to move from that firefighter identity of "I handle everything" toward an architect identity of "I design intentionally." The Mindful Architect archetype in my productivity quiz isn't there by accident—this is the identity shift we're aiming for.

We all need to lean into each of the four productivity archetypes at different times for different reasons. But when we can shift our productivity habits away from from a constant focus on optimization, integration, and resilience, we make space to be the architect and build in space to be more intentional and less reactive. By leaning on your values to help you guide decisions, you reduce decision fatigue and delegate with ease—the foundational work to reduce long hours and high stress.

You aren't just looking for professional growth here.

You are looking to preserve time, energy, and design systems that support your unique needs.

REFLECTION: Take a few minutes to journal this week and ask yourself the following questions:

What is one area of your business where reactivity constantly pulls you away from what truly matters to you?

How would it feel to create an intentional system around this area?

📈 TIPS FOR A MORE SCALEABLE BUSINESS

Building Systems That Think Ahead

The number one reactive pattern I see across every executive and client I've worked with is the immediate need to respond to every email and digital communication the moment it arrives.

Sometimes this responsiveness was genuinely necessary—in high-pressure legal or court communications, global hotel development deals, or white-glove customer service demands for recognizable brands like Williams-Sonoma and custom design agencies.

But let's be honest: Western work culture (whether corporate or entrepreneurial) rewards and glorifies being omnipresent.

What many don't realize is that constant reactive communication creates a cascade of unconscious micro-decisions throughout the day: "Should I respond now or later? What tone? Did I address everything?" Each choice drains your energy reserves.

This is where decision filters come in. You can also call them boundaries, expectations, parameters, or guidelines depending on the conditions and setting, but they all serve the same function—reducing overwhelm and transforming reactive patterns into intentional protocols. Rather than constant on-call energy, you create clear boundaries like "Client communications receive responses within 24 business hours" or "Internal questions are addressed during dedicated focus blocks." These filters don't just save mental energy—they train your team and clients to expect intentional rather than immediate responses.

And here's the surprising truth: most clients never notice your shift in communication. Those who do typically fall into two camps—those inspired by your intentional leadership, and those who were likely misaligned from the start.

When you move from more reactivity and immediacy to structured intention, those urgent requests decrease as people adapt to your communication patterns. Tasks find their natural priority. Your team thinks through needs before messaging.

And beyond the benefits to your own daily stress and energy, you are leading by example that your company prioritizes well-being in the workplace—and not just the fluffy goop kind, but team psychological safety and a culture of burnout prevention for all.

NEXT STEP: The transformation from reactive firefighting to intentional architect can start with one simple protocol. Pick your highest-volume communication channel and design one simple decision filter this week. Notice how it shifts not just your energy, but others' expectations.

Here's three example Decision Filters to get your brainstorming started. Feel free to steal one of these as is, tweak it to fit your needs, or come up with your own:

Non-emergency emails from current clients receive responses by end of next business day; urgent items are flagged and get same-day attention.

Team members batch questions for daily check-ins rather than interrupting focus work throughout the day.

External meeting requests are considered only for Tuesday/Thursday afternoons unless related to active project milestones. (Interchange days of the week here based on your schedule and energy needs!)

p.s. If you're ready to shift your reactive patterns with more intentional, energy-aligned habits, this is the exact work I walk clients through in my 1:1 mentoring program, The Energy Blueprint. In just 90 days you transform your relationship with productivity to break up with hustle culture habits and leverage your natural energy patterns to scale your business sustainably. Book a free discovery call here.

BEHIND THE SCREENS

My brain moves at the speed of a too fast too furious montage. A lot of times in life it has been really helpful, especially when I'm responding in high-stress environments.

As I've worked to operate more from intentional responses and less from reactions, I've been able to compiles years worth of observations about what those signs look like in me.

So naturally, when I was noticing my shoulders sitting at my ears, jaw clenching, short breaths (vs. using my diagphram the way it should be), and responding so quickly, I was often answering before the other person finished speaking—I knew that it was time to take a beat and do the following:

No reading during floor time for the rest of the day. 100% focus on my breath anytime I was taking a break.
Doing my neck and fascia release exercises anytime my hands got busy instead of picking up my phone.
Letting people finish speaking and then taking a full deep breath before responding.

For a long time I thought that recovering from burnout meant that I'd eventually reach a point where I never worried about this stuff again. It was just another result of productivity culture that I had to unravel along the way.

The truth of it is, my unique set of circumstances will mean that I always have to watch these things. My brain will always try to use the wrong muscles, I will continue to hold tension in my shoulders and head unless I regularly release it, and when I'm reactive I will always move too fast.

That doesn't make me any less recovered though. Because burnout prevention isn't just something you do once, it's a lifestyle that you cultivate again and again.

And I'm living proof that you can break the burnout cycle you've been stuck in.

CURRENTLY OBSESSED WITH:

Mosaic Art. I fell down a rabbit hole of mosaic art and fell in love with the artistry in the pieces by Si Mosaic. ***I will not think I can do this. I will not start another hobby. I will not expect myself to master a new skill on the first try.*** Sorry, had to peptalk myself down from the ADHD ledge.
Honestly, floor time. Floor time is my jam folks. I know it's the neurospicy and f*cked up musculoskeletal issues in me, but damn. Sometimes I wonder if I should have gotten a lay flat desk... lol. While this one is definitely out of the question, this one feels like it would be actually feasible to try.
Soar. I've been obsessed with everything Aqyila releases for a couple years now. Her debut album came out in March and this week she released her final song on the album, Soar and I kid you not, it's been on repeat since I found it (I go through new releases every Friday morning to update my playlists.) Yes, this includes under my pillow playing on repeat all night Friday and Saturday while I slept too. I am obsessed and I'm okay with that 😂

HAVING A GREAT TIME HERE?

Here's a few ways you can let me know:

Option 1: 💌 Share with a fellow creative or business owner. Community starts with each of us and friends don't let friends chase their dreams at the expense of their mental health! If you know someone seeking more sustainability and harmony in their life and/or business, send this their way.
Option 2: 👋 Say hi! Hit reply and share a sentence or two about anything you enjoyed or hit home for you. I always hope these words find the right people at the right time, but it's always makes my day to hear from you!

Hey there! You're receiving a copy of The Purposeful Pause in your inbox because you opted in for this weekly newsletter. Every Sunday, I'll share a blend of practical wisdom, actionable advice, and personal insights—all designed to help you create a more sustainable life and business.

To make sure you don't miss out on these purposeful moments, add [email protected] to your address book.

Received this from a friend? You can click here to subscribe!

Need to step away? Totally understand! You can unsubscribe below right now, no hard feelings. Remember that this will remove you from all email communications so if you only want a break from certain topics, feel free to reply here and let me know!